


Help Me Pt. 10/?

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Help Me [10]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Bucky's POV, Comics are very good resources, F/M, Gifset, Heavy Angst, Mild Language, Natasha's past, Nightmares, Past Lives, Steve's a stubborn asshole, just so much angst, natasha's pov, sorry but he is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 16:37:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10768221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: Steve & Bucky have a dispute, trust is put on the line between lover and friend. Nat talks with Steve about WTF just happened, he’s pissed off as fuck, but he has a point. How are they going to fix things?





	Help Me Pt. 10/?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [M_rude14](https://archiveofourown.org/users/M_rude14/gifts).



> Oh, look another late night update! Finally managed to get this part done for you and it’s gonna get rough and dark in some places. 
> 
> Thanks so much sis for helping me with this, couldn’t have done it without ya <3

* * *

 

I jolt awake but relax when a puff of hot air hits my neck. I look down and it’s like the sun entered the room. Y/N was finally asleep, it took a while for her mind to adjust to everything going on, but Wanda’s protective walls certainly helped. My face fell when I noticed the dark circles under her eyes, her shrunken appearance, her once sun-kissed skin toned down into a creamy color. I graze my knuckles across her cheek, taking in how soft her skin felt against mine. So pure and perfect, but also thick and strong.

I despised what Y/N had to go through over the course of the past few weeks, hell even before then. She didn’t deserve any of this shit, I wish I would’ve been strong enough to go back and save both of them from that hellish pit they were in. But she’s here now, she’s beside me...alive. And that’s all that mattered right now. Whatever instincts I conjured before and the ones I gained as the Soldier, I knew one thing and one thing only, Y/N was my mission. She was my mission and my mission was to protect her and keep her alive, even if my life depended on it. Nothing else mattered, only her safety.

A sound at the door had me throwing a knife at the intruder then grabbing the gun from the side table. The knife stopped before it could hit its target, a red glow holding it in place just a few inches from Wanda’s face. I switched on the safety and sagged back into the mattress, breathing heavily.

“Shit Wanda, I’m sorry...fuck, thought you were someone else.” She shrugged, unfazed by almost being killed, she just took the knife and placed it on the table beside me.

“Don’t worry about it. It is my fault, I should have alerted you of my presence.” Her eyes flicked over to Y/N’s sleeping form. “How is she? Seems like she slept peacefully, yes?”

I tiredly run my hand through my hair, sitting up leaning against the headboard. Gently moving some hair from her face, careful to not wake her up. “Yeah, thanks...uh, thanks for doing...that for her. It was a little difficult at the beginning, but at least she’s getting sleep, that’s all that matters.”

Wanda looked at me, trying to read me without actually slipping into my mind, which I was thankful for. She looked back to Y/N and hovered her hand over her temple, red mist swirled around the location. Wanda sighed thoughtfully, but there was a small pain behind it. The red mist intensified, pulsating out of her hand. Y/N began to squirm slightly, burrowing her face into the pillows, breath coming out in short pants. I looked over at Wanda, who moved to sit next to her on the bed. I watched nervously as her eyes closed, brows furrowing as she concentrated. I held onto Y/N’s hand as she began to whimper quietly, I had no idea what was happening, but I knew I couldn’t interrupt Wanda now. It was too risky.

A few long agonizing minutes later, Y/N relaxed and fell back into her previous sleep like state. Wanda leaned forward and kissed her temple, then moved to sit against the headboard. Groaning out in relief as she rubbed her own temples. We sat like this for a few extra minutes, I had no idea what was going on or what she saw, but instincts told me it must’ve been something bad by how they both reacted.

“She was dreaming...but not dreaming.” I looked away from Wanda to gaze down at Y/N, who instinctively shifted to wrap her arm around my leg. I removed my hand from hers and began to smooth her hair back.

“What do you mean by that Wanda? What did you see?” I asked her, praying that it wasn’t too serious.

“It was happy, then sad, then...then her mind was empty.” I was so confused, what the hell does that even mean?

“She has a son, Jaimie, yes?” I nodded, growing more alert, wanting to protect her from the piece of her past that haunted her the most. “She dreamt they were playing in green grass, the sun warming their skin, laughter filling the air. Then the air grew cold, the sun died causing the warmth to seep out of them as the world grew dark. Walls surrounded them, a glass window separated her from Jaimie as a darkened figure walked up to him. She screamed out in pain for her child, almost as if she could feel the life being drained from him, but yet she couldn’t save him. The room went from gray to red then to black. As if she completely shut down. Her memories are strong and cracked the walls I put up to ease her. But they are fixed now, she will sleep longer, but she will be exhausted when she wakes up.”

This was a lot to process, I desperately wished I could take away all her pain and nightmares, just so she could get a decent night's sleep. She didn’t deserve any of this, the humiliation, the pain, and fear Steve caused her. Y/N deserved to be happy, she deserved everything and if that meant putting my friendship with Steve on thin ice, then so be it. There was only one thing I was going to put my focus on, and that was to make sure Y/N stayed safe.

“Wanda, I’m going to make her breakfast. Do you mind watching her and….?” I nodded towards the door, hoping she’d get the message.

“Of course, I’ll put a barrier up as soon as you leave.” I thanked her, kissing Y/N’s temple softly.

“Sleep baby, I’ll be back soon.” Every Soldier instinct inside me told me to stay, to protect her from any and all evil forces that consumed the outside. But I knew Y/N was in good hands, I knew Wanda wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. I look at her one more time, before leaving to head towards the kitchen to get started on breakfast.

Halfway through, I didn’t need to see he was there, I  _ knew _ he was. I wasn’t surprised when he came in. Seriously, the anger, hatred, and frustration radiating off this guy was insane. Could I just have one day where he’s not following me like a hawk or breathing down my neck? God, it felt as if I was drowning. In all honesty, I thought he’d be barging in a whole lot quicker ready to throw insults my way. Or ask for another face bashing. I was really hoping for the last one, but I decided to withhold from punching his fucking face in.

“Might as well spit it out Steve or are you here to get your ass kicked again?”

“Why?”

“Why what?” I huffed out, not in the mood to actually start something, but I would if I had to.

“You know very damn well why Bucky. Why the hell are you falling for her innocent ‘Oh I don’t remember anything, but it’s not my fault’ routine? Can’t you see she’s just using you?” There was a bite in his tone and a definite hatred towards Y/N, it didn’t need a genius to figure that out. I held onto the counter, forced myself to not lash out at him, but if he kept going on like this there were no promises that someone wouldn’t get hurt.

“I can’t believe you’re all so blind, especially you! Hydra had her for who knows how long, messed up her brain and clearly implanted a command or mission in her head just to get to you. Fuck Bucky, they could already be on their way or told her to keep gathering Intel!” My patience was wearing thin, my shoulders tensed and I was close to snapping like a rubber band. I took in my surroundings, calculating the exits, where each available weapon was placed, what I would use to cause the most damage. But I could also sense Steve doing the same thing. He might be pumped with the super soldier serum crap, but he never had to go through years of being a Hydra puppet. He didn’t know shit.

“Steve...just fucking stop.”

“No Bucky, I won’t. I already lost you once and then again. And there is no fucking way I’m losing you for a third time, all due to this fake romance bullshit.”

_ Breathe in...1...2...3...4...5...breathe out...5...4...3...2...1… _

“Y/N’s a fucking Hydra puppet on a string and she’s here to make sure you’re back to being one. I know you Bucky and I know she’s using you. And she doesn’t love you-” The band snapped, there was no going back now.

Within seconds, I whipped around and socked him in the jaw. Metal meeting flesh, blood splattered on the wall behind him. His head made contact with the wall with a loud crack, but he quickly recovered. I blocked his oncoming fist while reaching back to grab the knife on the counter. I growled out in frustration as the knife just grazed him as he moved out of the way. He swiveled around and kicked me in the chest, causing me to crash into the cupboard, breaking a few plates. He tossed the knife off to the side as he made his way towards me. I picked up a shard of glass and jabbed it into his calf just as he kicked me.

“Bucky! Stop!”

“You don’t fucking know me, Steve!” I swing my hand around and rammed the shard further into his leg, using his distraction to jump up and shove him out the kitchen doorway. Right now my mind was in one setting and one setting only, protect Y/N and eliminate the threat. And that threat right now was Steve. I grabbed him off the floor by his throat and dragged him up the wall. A part of me hated having to hurt my best friend, but the Soldier part of me took control and I let it. I felt as his heartbeat began to slow, how his lungs fought to breathe, but I held fast.

“I’m not your Bucky from 1940 anymore, Steve!” I tighten my grip, the Soldier side relishing the feel of how slow his blood was pumping through his veins. “And I’m not a puppet anymore!” My free hand curled into a fist and made contact with his still bruised ribs. Steve hissed through his teeth, he let go of my wrist and kicked me back, which made me release my hold. He fell to the floor in heap, but quickly made use of his new found energy and came up behind me. I was just about to stand up when he pulled my right arm behind me and forced me back to my knees. I couldn’t get up or swing back at him.

“I know you’re not! But Y/N is!” I struggled against him, growling at him. A sickening pop and a searing pain ran up my arm and shoulder.

“AHH-FUCK!” Steve released my arm and stepped back. I leaned on my metal arm and could see the knife he threw aside. Quickly as I could, I bolted for it, but Steve had the same idea. He kicked my legs from under me and used my injury against me. He yanked me back by my right arm, which hurt like a bitch. We rolled along the floor, ignoring how the glass and random debris cut into our skin. Before I could make my next move, he had me in a headlock.

“And I will not stand by and watch her ruin your life!” The only thing I could do was grab a hold of his wrist and try to pry his arm off me, but it stayed firm. I knew what he was doing, he was trying to make me pass out. I couldn’t let him do that, I knew if he did, he’d go straight for Y/N. She was my mission and this was one mission I was determined not to fail. I couldn’t fail her. I needed to protect her. So I did what I had to do. Taking a breath, I used whatever momentum I could muster and rolled to my right side, catching Steve off guard. Ignoring the searing pain from my shoulder, I socked him again, this time breaking his nose.

“SHIT!” Steve brought his hands up to his face, blood seeping from his fingertips.

“She’s not fucking ruining my life!” I shift to straddle his waist and punched him again, he tried to block my assaults as much as he could, but I just let the Soldier take over. Slipping back into what I was trained to do.

“And she’s no goddamn puppet!!” I shouted at him, my voice echoing throughout the whole compound. I punched him again for good measure, before slowly getting off of him. But dammit, Steve just wouldn’t back down. With a swift kick, I was once again on the ground and onto the pile of shattered glass.

“F-Fucking...shit.” I groaned out as I felt a shard slice its way into where the skin meshed with metal. And dammit, that hurt worse than my dislocated shoulder. I tried to get up, but Steve was already standing above me, holding my left arm by my wrist with his foot. His nose was back in place, his right eye was swollen, blood pretty much soaked the whole front side of his shirt and he was cradling his ribs.

“Why the fuck would you trust someone who controlled you?” He kicked me in the ribs, clearly cracking a few, especially when he did it a second time. I bit back the groan, not wanting to give him any more satisfaction than he already had.

“Fuck you, Rogers! It’s not like she had a choice! She was forced to because they had her son! And I trust her with my fucking life!” And I did trust her with my life. I trusted her then, so I was going to trust her now. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t even be here. Steve was about to say something, but I beat him to it.

“Why should I trust you, Steve? Since you seem to be controlling my life anyways!” I spat at him. His face fell slightly, his whole tough-guy demeanor disappeared. I knew I hit the nail right on the head and it literally killed me when I told him that. But he didn’t understand and he probably never would. His quickly snapped out of it and hardened once again. Before I could blink, he swung his fist down and smashed my head back. I saw white, then all I could see was stars.

“Fuck you Bucky!” As I was preparing myself for another hit, I heard someone take a hit instead. But not at me.

I blinked away the stars forming in my eyes to see Vision and Sam holding Steve back, while Natasha punched him in the face. His face was red with fury, he was yelling at Natasha about something while struggling against the two men, but nothing else registered. She was scolding him in Russian, then proceeded to slap him in the face when he looked away. I could sense another presence beside me, thankfully it wasn’t Y/N, but Bruce and Tony. They were already assessing the damage, clearly concerned. However, that was the least of my worries.

“Y/N? P-Please, tell me she-”

“She’s still asleep, Wanda’s with her.” Nat looked over to me, “Don’t worry Bucky, she made sure Y/N couldn’t hear anything,” then went back to shooting daggers at Steve. I sighed in relief, the last thing I needed to worry about was having her witness the whole thing. She had enough on her plate already, no need to add another weight to her shoulders.

“Wanna tell me what the fuck happened just now, Frosty?” Tony asked me as Bruce checked my eyes to see for any signs of a concussion.

“Fuck you too, Stark.” With the help of Bruce, they were able to help me up into a standing position. I winced when gravity reminded me, my right shoulder was still out of place. Despite their protests, I stepped out of their grasps and headed towards the doorway.

“Captain Fucking Righteous over there doesn’t trust her,” I answered Tony before he could respond I quickly rammed my shoulder into the wall hard. Groaning out in relief when I felt it pop back into place. I cradled my arm against my chest to ease the pain, but that wasn’t the pain I wanted gone. The one I wanted gone, was the one Steve wedged between the both of us, between me and Y/N. He was my best friend, the man who I fought alongside in battle, the man who practically pushed me into asking Y/N out on our first date. He was the man I trusted the most, and now? Now I don’t seem so sure anymore.

“He doesn’t trust her with me.” I looked at Tony, then at Steve. “He doesn’t trust me. But you wanna know what hurts the most?” I let out a shallow chuckle, “My own best friend doesn’t trust me anymore.” Not wanting to get into another dispute, I let Bruce lead me to the infirmary to get patched up, making sure to put a good distance between us both. Every step I took felt like a knife to the gut, but I had to focus on Y/N. She was my main priority right now, everything else would have to wait.

\----------

_ Natasha’s POV _

“Hey Vision, go check on Wanda please.” The android nodded and left.

Sam and I led Steve to a different room for him to get patched up, wanting to put some distance between the two super soldiers. Tony made a few calls and joined us. Helen had one of her staff members come and get started. Steve winced as she began to wrap his ribs, but not before Natasha slapped him again. It was a shock to everyone to hear a fight, and a pretty bad one at that, go down this morning.

“Steve, what the HELL was that?!” He groaned out as he stood up from the table, only to be pushed back down with a scold from the nurse.

“Natasha, not you too. I don’t...I can’t do this right now.”

“Like hell, you can’t! You’re doing this now, whether you like it or not. So spill.”  Steve looked at me, then at Sam who just shook his head.

“Don’t look at me man, I’m with her on this one.” Tony nodded in agreement.

“Seriously?” He looked dumbfounded at the fact he had no one to support him. “Fine, fucking fine, you really want to know what happened? Why don’t we start with the fact Y/N was working for Hydra? How can we even trust her?” He asked while making an angry gesture with his hands.

“Then how can you trust me then? I trained in the Red Room, which you know is a part of Hydra. Unless you forgot about that.”

“Nat, it’s not the same.”

“Like hell, it isn’t Steve. You should be happy for Bucky that he managed to find someone to take care of. Someone that makes him a person.” However, the look Steve gave me told me he didn’t believe me still and still believes Y/N’s sole purpose is to turn Bucky back. I sighed and gestured for everyone else to sit down, this was going to take a while.

“Alright, Steve, I’m going to talk and you’re going to keep your mouth shut. Because there are a few things I’m only going to say once.” Fury, Clint, and Tony were basically the only ones who knew more about my past than anyone else, because some things were best left unsaid. But now, Steve needs to understand what Bucky is truly going through.

“In the Red Room - Hydra in general - you’re not a superhero. You’re a spy. You were trained to be something that is considered less than a person, a human being. Not ever wanted. While heroes are considered much more, loved more, trusted more.” I look down at my hands, letting past memories flood my mind.

“We’re left to deal with the consequences of our past. It’s always going to be stuck with us, we have no choice in that matter. There are…..things left unsaid and most likely will stay locked away. But,” I look up at Steve then, his attention stuck on me, taking in everything I was saying,

“It drives us to be someone we  _ want _ to be. Not someone who decides that for us. So when it comes to trust, we take it very seriously.

“The fact that Bucky trusts Y/N at all, definitely says something. The love Bucky and Y/N have is special.” And just like that Steve, was back to his hard protective self. Glaring at nothing in particular at the mention of Y/N’s name. This man was so fucking stubborn, geez he was acting almost like a child. Realizing this method wasn’t going to work, it was time to bring out the big guns. I was going to tell Steve something he never knew about me and if it pissed him off further, well then he can suck it.

“Before the Red Room...I was forced to marry a Soviet spy, by the name of Alexi Shostakov. It wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t the worst either. We were…..generally happy.” That surely grabbed Steve’s attention, Sam’s too. They looked at me in shock, as if they were just seeing me for the first time.

“I became more serious in the Red Room when I found out that the KGB faked Alexi’s death. So, I became the Black Widow, while being a part of the Red Room Academy. I had false memories put in, brainwashed, biologically enhanced, fought in WW2, and….did other things.” By now, I’m looking over at Tony, he had a knowing full look in his eye. Silently telling me he doesn’t blame me for what I did, that he understood.

“Tony…...Tony knows this, same with Fury. I wasn’t all good, to begin with, Steve.” He looked at me confused, he knows I was an assassin, but that was just a small glimpse of it. “Before I joined S.H.I.E.L.D., I tried to assassinate Iron Man, Tony. And obviously, that didn’t work out. Fury noticed my talents, where I was from, what I went through and decided to give me a new life. A second chance you could say.” The looks Steve and Sam gave me, confirmed my beliefs. I stand up and slowly make my way towards Steve, crossing my arms and staring him right in the eye.

“Steve, both Bucky and I have a lot of red in our ledger, and each day is a struggle for us both. There will always be red that will not be washed away, we’re both permanently stained with the lives we took, the blood we spilt…..the lives we ruined.

“Y/N may have worked for Hydra, Steve, but that doesn’t mean she’s the bad guy here. She clearly had no choice in the matter, not to mention we’ve all done far worse things than what she did.” He looked away at that, brows furrowed, deep in thought.

“There’s always two sides to every story and if Bucky believes,  _ trusts _ her, then I do too. He wants to trust you again, Steve. But having to fight against and for the two people in his life he cares about the most, is killing him. If that can’t get through that thick skull of yours, this better...Bucky is going with his instincts. He’s doing what he was  _ trained _ to do. What his  _ mission _ is. And right now, his mission is to protect Y/N at all costs from the threat. And right now? Right now the threat is **_you_**.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love  
> Comments are life
> 
> There's a bucket load of angst left, not to mention Steve's and Bucky's friendship is fragile atm. 
> 
> Let me know in the comments how you think they'll be able to save their friendship? Who knows....it might even get worse...I've said too much already! Thank you all for reading my stuff! :D


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